Boatstuck
by vinolentKenodoxy
Summary: This is a fanfiction about the homestuck cast as they become pirates on the high seas. rated T for languge, but hey, its homestuck. it is vaguely based on pirates of the caribbean, but i drift from their plot quickly so its not a crossover.
1. Chapter 1

**This is what happens when you read homestuck for seven hours straight and then watch Pirates of the Caribbean. I am not very confident in this so I put Sollux in a dress. Now there's no way anyone won't like it. Homestuck and its characters belong to Andrew Hussie**

**== BE SOLLUX**

You are now Sollux Captor.

You have just woken up in your room in the Governors mansion. The Governor is your Lusus. You do not know how he secured such a high position in the government with his yellow blood. You suspect money changed hands.

You just had another strange dream recalling the first time you met Karkat. You were going to America when he floated from a pirate wreckage on a piece of wood and next to your boat. When your father asked you to tend to his wounds you found out a secret about him. You then used that secret to blackmail him out of the gold coin he wore on his necklace.

Just as you finished your morning stretching, your lusus barged in. He was carrying a dress, and looked very excited. "why are you bringing me a dreth?" you ask. "i am thort of a guy."

Your lusus looks at you with a blank expression. "Terezi Pyrope is being promoted to Commodore today" he says as if it were obvious.

"what the fuck doeth that have to do with me wearing a dreth?" you look at your guardian through your dual colored glassed.

"It is about time you found a Matesprite, and Commodore Pyrope is a very respected troll." Your lusus tosses the dress at you, and you repeat your previous question. "Because you do not look good in red shirts or pants, and Commodore Pyrope cannot resist anyone in red. In this SKIMPY RED DRESS, you will be irresistible."

"fuck my life" you put on the dress and go downstairs for breakfast. On the way across the hall, you see Karkat, the local blacksmith. He is the one you had the dream about.

"I had the dream again" you say, "about the first time we met."

"Why the fuck would I care about that?" said Karkat, "I wouldn't. Seriously, you have some serious ego problems if you think I give a flying fuck about your stupid dreams. The only thing I fucking remember about that night is that you stole my gold coin!"

"Thut up KK" you lisp at him, "If you tell anyone about that I will tell them all you thecret."

"Whatever." Karkat scowls at you, but that doesn't mean anything, because he's always scowling. "Why the fuck are you wearing a dress?"

"My luthuth wantth me to theduce Terezi."

"You couldn't 'theduce' anyone. And besides, doesn't he know that Terezi is already Matesprites with Dave?"

"I don't know, and I don't care. Unlike you, I don't thpend all my time gothiping about everyone elseth quadrants, becauthe I actually have my own." You storm out into the dining room just in time to hear Karkat mutter, "Fuckass"

**== BE VRISKA**

You are now Vriska Serket.

You are sailing the high seas. Not really though. More like you are sitting in a sinking rowboat that was luckily floating towards a dock. That was the only GOOD luck you'd had today. But at least you are nearing the dock. You step off the boat just as it sunk. Lousy piece of shit. Couldn't even take a little bit of canon fire.

You have been sailing for weeks now, and out of supplies for nearly two days. Not the rum though. Thank gog for that. You have been waging a Pirate War against Eridan Amphora for a while now. Ever since he took your ship and crew, leaving you on a deserted island to starve to death. Luckily you were able to make a signal fire large enough to attract a ship. Unluckily, the ship belonged to Captain Terezi Pyrope of the navy. You barely escaped with the rowboat.

As you step off the boat onto the dock, a small bald man sees you and scurries over. "I will need your name and 3 troll shillings to tie up your boat at the dock." You look over at the boat. All you can see is the tip of the bow sticking out of the water. Raising your eyebrows at the small man, you decked him in the face and took his bag of money. Hey, you're a pirate. What did he expect?

As you walk off the dock, you make a mental checklist. You need a crew, a ship, and supplies to get back on the seas and take back the Black Pearl. All you have right now is the bag of money you took, your set of dice, your cutlass and gun, and your treasure maps. Your train of thought is interrupted as you look over the bay and see an enormous ship. You have to have it.

On the walk over the beach to the big boat, you hear a big commotion going on in the town square. You would wonder what it was, but you are too focused on the ship up ahead of you. When you reach it, you see two guards. In order to get on the ship, you will have to convince them to leave. You could just manipul8 them, but it would be funner to just trick them.

"Hello there." you say to the guards.

Gamzee and Tavros walk over. "You, uh, you can't be here, uh, right now." Tavros mumbled. "Leave this to me, lil bro" said Gamzee with a grin, "we don't want to scare this motherfucker to bad." Gamzee laughed and grinned even bigger, if that is even possible. "You can't come on the boat."

You can tell these two aren't very bright, though the Hispanic one is sort of cute… you break away from this train of thought. You are here to get the ship, not woo some shit for brains guard. "Why not? YOU'RE on the boat. I think I am more qualified than you."

"Sorry motherfucker, but Commodore Pyrope ordered us not to let anyone on. Especially pirates."

So she got promoted to Commodore, huh. Even though you escaped from her not a week ago? You guess that simply surviving an encounter with you deserves a promotion. You are so cool.

You are getting bored, and decide to run Gamzee through with your cutlass and let the other one live, but paralyze him from the waist down, when you look up at the sound of yelling. Terezi and Sollux were up on the castle wall, and Terezi was trying to lick Solluxes skimpy red dress. That chick is so weird. What is it with her and the color red? It doesn't look like sollux is enjoying this. You think it would be funny if you manipul8ed him into jumping off the castle wall. After a moments consideration (not) you hope your luck is good, because you can only control him half the time.

**== Be Sollux**

You are now sollux

You are up on the castle wall talking to Terezi. She won't stop trying to lick your dress, which is weird, but you are pretty sure it's just because of the color, and she doesn't actually like you. This is fine, because you don't need a Matesprit. You have bitches overflowing from your quadrants.

You would try and make Terezi stop, but you don't want to disappoint your lusus. You look over at a ship at the dock and have just enough time to say, "ith that vrithka?" before you jump off the wall into the ocean.

**== Be Terezi**

You are now Commodore Terezi Pyrope. You have just been promoted from captain to Commodore, and now you are with sollux on top of the castle. You find the red of his dress delicious, and are trying to lick it. He is putting up with it, but is scowling almost as badly as karkat. Suddenly, he says something about vriska and jumps off the castle wall. Fuck. You didn't think you were THAT bad to hang out with.

**== Be Gamzee**

You are now Gamzee Makara

You were just explaining to this pirate that even though you won't arrest her for being a pirate because you think that she should be able to do what feels right all up in her heart, she can't come on the ship. You hate telling people what they can or can't do, but you don't really have a choice here.

You were thinking about what to motherfucking do to make this chick go away when she stops talking for a second and starts to concentrate on the castle. More specifically, where Sollux and Commodore Terezi are talking. Suddenly, Sollux jumps off of the castle, into the water!

There is only one thing to do.

**== Engage Hero Mode**

You engage hero mode, and this time it's not completely useless. You leap into action, shrugging off your coat and diving into the water. In no time you reach the spot where Sollux is flailing around in the water, being a fuckass and not knowing how to swim.

You hoist him onto your shoulder and start to swim back to the dock. It is much harder swimming back than it was going there, but you can't just let the little motherfucker drown.

When you reach the dock, you throw him up, and then climb up yourself, just in time to see Vriska jump into the water. You look at the direction she was looking when she jumped in and saw Commodore Pyrope and a group of soldiers running up. You realize that she cannot hold her breath forever, and so you quickly come up with at cunning lie. You really need to go eat some pie. You are having ideas and its giving you a headache.

**== Be Terezi**

You are now Terezi Pyrope

You rush over to where Sollux is laying on the dock and kick him in the ribs. "Why would you do that?" you yell at him, "I was being NICE to you! I'm not that bad to hang out with, am I?"

You turn to Gamzee. "Thanks for saving him Gamzee," you say.

"I didn't save that motherfucker," said Gamzee, "it was Vriska."

"What do you mean it was Vriska?" you said, "where is she?"

"The little motherfucker is hiding under the dock," Gamzee grinned. "She doesn't think you like her, and is afraid you'll be mean."

Just then, Vriska came flying out of the water, landing on the dock. "That is NOT true!" she yelled, "I don't care how you feel about me. I'm a PIRATE. Pirates don't care about those kinds of things."

You look at Vriska and for a split second you consider letting her go, since she saved Solluxs life. Who are you kidding, no you didn't. You drew you sword and said, "You are now under arrest. If you do not come with me peacefully I will have to kill you now instead of later in front of a crowd."

Vriska gave you a look. You knew what that look meant. You would have been disappointed if the hadn't given it to you.

**== Be The SpiderBitch**

You are now Vriska Serket.

Terezi is giving you a look, almost as if she is teasing you. This bitch needs to be taught a lesson. But not now. She has to many friends with her. Right now you will escape.

Just before you are about to escape, Gamzee speaks up. "Wait a second motherfuckers. Cant you just let this motherfucker go because she saved Sollux?"

Terezi gave Gamzee a smile, as if she pitied him for his ignorance. "One right cannot make up for a lifetime of wrongs." She told him.

"But it seems enough to condemn me," you say sarcastically. Just then, Sollux began to stir awake.

"What happened?" he asked, "Wait, fuck, I remember now. Vriska made me jump!"

You look at everyone like they are crazy. "Well duh, did you think he just jumped on his own?" At this, Sollux jumps up and runs at you.

"NO!" yelled Terezi. But it's to late. Sollux reaches you and you spin him around and grab him in a headlock as a human shield, holding your knife against his throat.

"Goodbye, ladies, gentleman, Terezi. I would love to stay, but I have to fly."

Just as you say fly, you push Sollux at the crowd and grab a rope, kicking the handle. This sent you flying into the air and onto a tall lightpost. "Open Fire!" yelled Terezi, but it was to late. You do a acrobatic fucking move and are on a rooftop sprinting for your life.

**== Be Tavros**

You are now Tavros Nitram.

You just met a pirate for the first time in your life, and it was SO SCARY. She was sort of pretty, but she was also very dangerous looking. She had given you a look earlier, and you thought she might have had some black feelings for you. The thought of this makes you blush. You don't think you can feel black feelings. You are weird like that.

Somehow she outfoxed Terezi, which was amazing. You had never seen someone get away from Terezi before. Vriska must have so much self confidence. And lots of happy thoughts, too. Maybe that's what being a pirate does. It gives you what you need to fly like Pupa Pan.

You decide to tell Gamzee you want to become a Pirate. Later though, because everyone else would laugh at you. Not Gamzee though. Gamzee never laughs at your dreams.

**== Be Sollux**

You are now Sollux Captor.

You are flipping out over what just happened. Vriska is such a bitch. Mostly you are mad at yourself, though. You cant believe she beat you up so easily. Today sucks so much ass.

**== Be the wind**

You cant be the wind because the wind is not an actual person. You can be the one who CONTROLS the wind though.

**== Be the one who controls the wind then**

You cant be the one who controls the wind, because we haven't met him yet!

**== Be Karkat**

You are now Karkat Vantez

You are in your Blacksmith shop making a sword and being an awesome leader. Not really though. You are a horrible leader. You always mess up, always. All you are good at is making swords. And you aren't even good at that, because they always end up bent, like a sickle. Everyone is always telling you to stop hating on yourself, and that you can do lots of things, but you know they are lying. Its sad, but you can't help it. It sucks not being good at anything.

You hear a pounding at the door, and open it to let whoever it is in. Immediately you are knocked back onto the ground, K..

Luckily your bro John is home and he is apeshit bananas at fighting and making swords. He hits Vriska on the head from behind with a stool.

What? Where you excepting a cool fight scene? To bad. Problem, Bro?

**The End of Chapter One**


	2. Chapter 2

**== Terezi: Freak out looking for Vriska**

Why would you do that? That is the opposite of what you want to do. It is a small town, and you will find Vriska soon enough. For now, you will wander off in the general direction she went and ask around.

**== Be John **

You are now John Egbert

You are standing over two unconscious bodies. One of them is Karkat, your friend and fellow blacksmith, and the other is a pirate. You are having some very conflicted feelings about the pirate. You know that you need to turn her in, but… there's something about her. You don't know, maybe its nothing.

Suddenly, you hear a pounding on the front door. You make a quick decision and shove the pirate in the broom closet. Then you answer the door.

"Yes? What do you want?" you ask Terezi. "I am looking for a pirate named Vriska," she said, "and she ran this way a few minutes ago. Have you seen her?"

You look towards the closet nervously and tug on your collar. You are not a very good liar. "Umm, no I don't think I have. Goodbye." As you shut the door, Terezi puts her foot in the way. "John, why are you acting so weird?" she tries to look behind you. Her eyes open wide.

"John, is there something you would like to tell me?" she asks, "Something involving a knocked out troll?" you nearly bite your tongue off. How could she know? "Umm, no?" you say. Smooth.

"John, I can see Karkat right behind you." Terezi laughed, "I really don't care that you knocked him out, I just have to ask. What did he do?" the tension in your stomach releases immediately. "Oh, well, you know, he, umm, took the last gushers package, and I was really hungry, but I didn't mean to knock him out or anything. I was just to hungry so when I was working I accidentally dropped the hammer and it landed on his head."

"Hmm. It landed on his head." Terezi raises her eyebrows at you. "That is a pathetic lie. Your lucky Karkles is such a whiny jerk, or I might have had to prosecute you."

"Uh haha, ya that's a good joke. Goodbye!" you slam the door in her face and turn to the matters at hand. Like unconscious bodies in the closet.

**== Be Vriska**

You are now Vriska.

And for some reason you are in a closet.

All you can remember is storming into a blacksmiths shop to hide, knocking somebody over, and then a pain in your head. You are about to storm out of this closet to wreck havoc on whoever knocked you out when you hear voices outside. You decide it might benefit you to listen.

You recognize one of the voices as Terezi, but the other is harder to pin down. You don't think you've ever met this person before. His voice is sort of cute though. He sounds a little nerdy, but still man enough to get shit done.

They are saying something about an unconscious body, and you realize that he's ratting you out! But why would he hide you if he was going to turn you in? You decide to listen for a little while longer.

Now the boy with the soothing voice seems to be trying to get her to leave! This turn of events leave you bamboozled. You resolve to jump out after Terezi leaves and demand an explanation. Speak of the devil, there she goes now.

**== Be Terezi**

You are now Terezi

You just interrogated John in your search for the wanted felon Vriska Serket. He was acting strangely though. Like he had more to hide then just Karkat. He had a secret. Or maybe, just maybe, a Serket. Her powers of manipulation could easily overtake Johns feeble mind. You would have to watch out for him. You would hate to have to prosecute him, because he is a nice kid.

**== Be John**

You are now John

You turn towards the closet where you stuffed the pirate in. Terezi said that her name was Vriska. That's a nice name, you guess. You decide to let her out and wake her up. Hopefully she doesn't attack you.

On the way over to the broom closet, you almost trip over Karkat. Oh, ya. You forgot about him. You cant let Vriska out and let Karkat see her. He would tell Terezi. You put one of the crappy sickles he made in his hand and carried him outside to sit in the street. Hopefully the sickle would deter any bad people.

Then you go over to the broom closet. You open it. It is empty.

**== Be Vriska**

You are hiding.

The boy who hid you finished talking to terezi and left the room to move Karkles. That was stupid of him. You immediately jumped out of the closet and grabbed one of the swords hanging on the wall, because you had lost yours during the escape. Then you climbed up on the workbench and hid in the rafters.

The boy, you think Terezi called him John, was looking in the closet. 'Im obviously not there anymore, idiot' you think to yourself as John franticly looks through the closet. 'dude, looking in there isn't going to make me come back. Just step out of the closet so I can jump on you.' He obviously wasn't going to stop looking anytime soon. Time to take actions into your own hands.

You could usually manipulate people using your mind powers. Terezi could resist them, along with most of the other trolls, but with any luck it would work on this John fellow. You concentrate, take a few deep breaths, and focus on John. '**Come out of the broom closet.' **You say in your head over and over. The only thing coming out of the closet is snores. What the fuck?

You climb down to see what happened and see John sprawled out on the floor. Maybe the only thing you can do to him is make him fall asleep. Hmm. Whatever. You can come back to him later. Right now you are hungry as shit. He better have some good food.

You saunter over to the kitchen. It is a nice, modest kitchen, with light blue walls and dark blue cupboard doors. The window was open to let in light, and you shut it immediately. You can never be to careful.

You look in the fridge, but it is full of milk and eggs. There is nothing to eat unless you want to fry up some eggs. Which you don't.

There is a large closet on the left side of the room. Maybe it is in there. You go over to look.

The cabinet is completely full of Betty Crocker mix and Gushers. How is this kid still alive?


End file.
